Clubbing up Central London

This post will be the first official post of my new blog, so i wanted to ensure the subject matter was one that has irritated me to the point where i would literally rather scratch my eyeballs with a cocktail stick than venture out into central London for a night of “clubbing”.

I would like to make it clear at this point when i say central London, i’m talking mainly around the Leicester Square area, or other clubs who aspire to provide a night similar to a Leicester Square nightclub.

How any self respecting adult can work all week and find a night out in central London a form of enjoyment, absolutely bemuses me. If a venue in central is able to hold a total capacity of around 500 people without doubt on the night, the total capacity will be around the 900 mark, which takes away the everyday enjoyment of being able to move a step here and there. This restriction in movement however does not affect everyone in the club, as there is always someone who seems to think dancing violently whilst giving off an aroma that could probably melt cheese is what makes them irresistible to the girls in the club. The question i always ask myself seems to be, is their body odour more offensive than their dance moves?

I always have respect for a man who can dance but not for a man who believes he is the best dancer the world has ever seen, with a look on their face as if they have just discovered the cure for cancer. I cannot stand these people, what’s perhaps even worse is the girls in these places that actually fall for these mongoloids. How do these girls find these men attractive? A cross between a human turd with the dance moves of Stephen Hawkins on acid. 

A night out in Central usually consists of the following:

1: Bouncer giving you grief about entering the premises, usually for the reasons your not with enough girls

2: After an altercation with the bouncer on arrival you are now charged £20-£30 to enter the premises, which is about as glamorous as taking an old fridge feezer to the dump

3: Upon entry you realise your surrounded by people aged between 18-29 phisically, aged 10-16 mentally.

4: First drink is around an half hour wait at the bar, in which time you have already seen a group of lads who you know you could easily get into a fight with by the end of the night

5: After this half hour wait, you are then charged a two digit figure for a drink that is one fifth alcohol and four fifths ice. “Could i have a JD with my glass of ice?”

6: Scout the room for average looking half drunk girls

7: Night ending in a fight/scuff with a bunch of 18 year olds who are top gangsters around their local park or the second option is pull a girl, if your lucky finger her on dance floor only to be pulled away by one of your mates, because another one of your mates has got into a fight and have been kicked out. Home time. 

I shall never attempt a night out in Central London again as i have discovered clubs in east London to be of a more trendy, cool, fun place to be. 

Would love to hear your experiences of these poor excuses of nightclubs