Crap on my Television

If you are like me and enjoy the days when you could switch on your tele to find a wide variety of television broadcasting from comedies ranging from Only fools and horses, to One foot in the grave. Although you may not have all been huge fans of such programs i hope the vast majority of you can respect and understand why others think of such shows as legendary British television broadcasting. This generation of writers and broadcasters left a legacy for us to follow but since this era, we have been corrupted and have allowed literally the most evil man to ever walk our streets in Simon Cowell, to totally destroy our viewing entertainment. He has taken our British culture which was based on witty humour and feel good comedy broadcasting, to literally laughing at hugely condensed crap attempting to sing in front of large audiences, and these audience members feel it is vitally important to their lives to absolutely make sure that this condensed crap does not leave the building without knowing that they are, in their opinions the weakest and most disgraceful thing to ever walk the planet. When has this ever been acceptable in our society? Why don't we just bring back public hanging? I would eat cow shit just to see Simon Cowell being hanged live on ITV, with Louis Walsh afterwards saying "I Just didn't get it?" Someone please tell Louis that having a catchphrase of pretending to be dumb is about as useful as a Genital Wart.

Simon Cowell in his early years realised that the public with half a brain cell were the ones benefiting from years of excellent TV broadcasting, that had variety in abundance, shows like the Young Ones, Bottom provided the British public with alternative slap stick comedy. While Only Fools and horses stimulated the minds of millions of working class men and woman. Gave an insight to the middle and upper classes into the lives of working class people. While Blackadder aimed its audiences at the university educated viewers with long, highly descriptive speeches containing historical facts mixed with excellent word play helped recreate the disasters of history in a more light hearted way without ever over stepping the mark. Fawlty Towers was a show for all to enjoy, with John Cleese's excelling his physical comedy attributes while playing the character of a highly frustrated hotel manager. Not forgetting the less well known shows such as Not the 10 O'clock live, Harry Enfield and Chums, Men Behaving Badly, Drop the dead donkey, the list really does go on.While at the time you could give or take these lesser shows, i for one would bite someone's hand off to be able to bring back some of these shows today, as there is only so much i can take of shows like dating in the dark, America's next top model, Jersey Shore, Only way is Essex, Britains got talent, X-Factor, Strictly come dancing.

Cowell saw an opportunity to practically steal money from the less abled by producing a show where at least half the characters themselves probably didn't dress themselves in the morning, to be watched by viewers who probably couldn't go to the toilet on their own, or even call for help if they soiled themselves.This was his target audience but somehow this rich monstrosity of a man was able to spread the popularity of these shows to the masses without a hint of moral guilt.It is people like Simon Cowell who have made it acceptable for the public to watch these programs without someone therefore thinking of you as mentally handicapped. When i am sometimes forced to watch such disgusting programs and see people discussing or laughing at someone on the X-factor, i get the urge to fetch a bib just in case these people begin to dribble involuntarily.

Legends like Richard Curtis, John Sullivan, Ben elton, Rik Mayall must look at today's generation and not, like me feel anger, but instead just feel total pity for the younger generation, especially.Where humour used to be thought provoking and light hearted instead today it has been replaced by berating and embarrassing others in a totally moronic judgemental manner.

Before writing this blog i was in heated debate with myself, trying to decide if i wanted to write about the more general ignorance of todays broadcasting, or if i should just list 100 ways i would like to see Simon Cowell die. After re-reading this i feel i have made the wrong choice but i guess the message of this particular blog is Fuck you Simon Cowell and all who fill his pockets with money!

              

Loose Women

If you are like me and have the pleasure of having a TV in your working environment, you will be fully aware of a program called Loose Woman. Also like me you will know that the title does not reflect the actually programming because unfortunately ITV producers are not allowed to broadcast a show on day time tele with the title, "Middle Aged, Hormonal, ex slappers sit around a table to moan about the opposite sex and other unimportant topics, in a moronic manner, to help give their so far totally unfulfilled  lives some kind of relevance to the world."

Usually i totally refuse to give this program a second of my attention, but today i made the fatal mistake of actually trying something which i know is totally repulsive, bit like eating salad. These women are on on this program to help promote the new craze of women are equal to men, which i had never heard of if till this revolutionary program? All they have achieved however, is regressing the male opinion on women.Instead of men watching this program thinking men can be more idiotic than woman, they watch and think how did we allow these people to have the vote? They couldn't turn more men against them than if their program was to be scheduled over the world cup final.    

Unfortunately daytime television is designed to be low budget and too be spoon fed to the viewer, if a baboon cant follow the story line then it isn't suitable for day time television. When i say baboon what i really mean is the elderly. Daytime television is the only safe thing the elder have in their lives. They are always aware of the daily programming routine unlike when they need to use the toilet which just springs up on them.

It's not the daytime television that frustrates me, i can accept that daytime tele is there to entertain the elderly and those people on the doll with the brain capacity of handicapped goldfish, but it is when someone who just so happens to be watching this crime to tele with you, passes some form of judgement as to what these fools are saying. If i'm not interested in watching this program, why would i want to discuss the subject matters with someone who has actually been listening to the program, i find so repulsive?

Clubbing up Central London

This post will be the first official post of my new blog, so i wanted to ensure the subject matter was one that has irritated me to the point where i would literally rather scratch my eyeballs with a cocktail stick than venture out into central London for a night of “clubbing”.

I would like to make it clear at this point when i say central London, i’m talking mainly around the Leicester Square area, or other clubs who aspire to provide a night similar to a Leicester Square nightclub.

How any self respecting adult can work all week and find a night out in central London a form of enjoyment, absolutely bemuses me. If a venue in central is able to hold a total capacity of around 500 people without doubt on the night, the total capacity will be around the 900 mark, which takes away the everyday enjoyment of being able to move a step here and there. This restriction in movement however does not affect everyone in the club, as there is always someone who seems to think dancing violently whilst giving off an aroma that could probably melt cheese is what makes them irresistible to the girls in the club. The question i always ask myself seems to be, is their body odour more offensive than their dance moves?

I always have respect for a man who can dance but not for a man who believes he is the best dancer the world has ever seen, with a look on their face as if they have just discovered the cure for cancer. I cannot stand these people, what’s perhaps even worse is the girls in these places that actually fall for these mongoloids. How do these girls find these men attractive? A cross between a human turd with the dance moves of Stephen Hawkins on acid. 

A night out in Central usually consists of the following:

1: Bouncer giving you grief about entering the premises, usually for the reasons your not with enough girls

2: After an altercation with the bouncer on arrival you are now charged £20-£30 to enter the premises, which is about as glamorous as taking an old fridge feezer to the dump

3: Upon entry you realise your surrounded by people aged between 18-29 phisically, aged 10-16 mentally.

4: First drink is around an half hour wait at the bar, in which time you have already seen a group of lads who you know you could easily get into a fight with by the end of the night

5: After this half hour wait, you are then charged a two digit figure for a drink that is one fifth alcohol and four fifths ice. “Could i have a JD with my glass of ice?”

6: Scout the room for average looking half drunk girls

7: Night ending in a fight/scuff with a bunch of 18 year olds who are top gangsters around their local park or the second option is pull a girl, if your lucky finger her on dance floor only to be pulled away by one of your mates, because another one of your mates has got into a fight and have been kicked out. Home time. 

I shall never attempt a night out in Central London again as i have discovered clubs in east London to be of a more trendy, cool, fun place to be. 

Would love to hear your experiences of these poor excuses of nightclubs